babyist

I feel tiger-ish- How 'bout you?

2009-06-11T13:22:00.001-07:00

Doing nothing all day is exhausting.

Today we have some "workmen" here fixing some of our electronic gadgetry. So, I've been confined to the bedroom with R. and Panda since Dave left for work this morning. It's been a Sprout Channel marathon that doesn't look to be ending any time soon.

We are on our second round of Zaboomafoo.

I'm getting cranky.

Our house is delightfully small so, there really aren't a lot of places for all of us to go. Plopping them both down in front of the TV for an "indoor" day seemed like a good idea this morning. That was when I thought I was only sutck here for a couple of hours. But, as most fix-it jobs go, it's turning into an all day affair.

We are all still in our pj's. It's well past lunch. So tired. Tired from doing nothing.

hey-it's the sun-and it makes me shine

2009-06-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

Slept til 10am.

Let me say that again...

I Slept Until 10:00AM.

I was the only one in the house who did. Which means there were two babies and a husband awake and active. Which means Dave is awesome and treats me well.

Now, I sit with one said baby on the boob, content. Polyphonic Spree filling the room. And a very large lego structure looming over the top of my MacBook Air. The size of the lego house usually is a testament to how long of a morning it was.

Today we brunch.

Inspired

2009-06-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well.

Ok... so, I kinda suck at the whole sticking to something you've started thing. However, after reading my good friend Khali's blog, I've become inspired to post anew.

There is a lot of catching up to be done. I will keep it simple:

-It's a boy!

-Happy, healthy and almost 9 months old now. Let's call him Panda. Since, actually, that is what I call him. He just got his first tooth. He likes to clap. He "talks" to us by clucking his tongue. He's almost crawling. We love him.

-We are trying. We might be crazy. Baby crazy.

-I'm 40.

-I'm in better shape now than I was before having kids thanks to working out three times a week with a trainer. Dave has also lost almost 40 pounds and looks amazing. He looks so good it makes me want to make a baby with him.

-I'm having so much fun every day with the boys. I almost don't want it to end in September when R. starts pre-school. The thought of it makes me tear up. My little sweet boy. Too much. Too much.

-Simply put, life is good. More to come.

Gimme a C, Gimme a V, Gimme an S - what's that spell?! Chorionic Villus Sampling, come on, pay attention.

2008-03-25T11:32:00.000-07:00

Had my CVS yesterday. Something I highly recommend if you're into being uncomfortable, terrified and in pain. I guess it wasn't that bad. Then again, nothing is in hindsight... almost nothing, I am still a little intimidated by my own ovaries.

All went as planned, as far as I know, having never had a CVS. Is waiting for 2 hours in a cramped lobby full of disgruntled couples normal? How about being left in an arctic freezing cold examination room for another half hour, with no pants and a thin threadbare sheet? Oh, what about a sonogram technician who gives you absolutely no information and only spends about 10 minutes tops on your exam before bolting from the room never to return with further instructions?

The only plus to the whole ordeal was having the CVS itself performed by Dr. Cliff Huxtable. But, even my time with him was limited to about 15 minutes. The majority of which he rambled on a spiel that I'm sure he recites all day long to the faceless vaginas he finds himself in front of. Something about who invented the speculum and how they've traced it back to the Egyptians. Telling me to go to "my happy place" in order to relax my muscles.

My happy place... um, yeah... been lookin'!

And to help me find such a place he started my journey for me...

"Picture yourself on a dream vacation, on a pink sand beach with a sparkling ocean before you, as you take that last long sip of your virgin pina colada..."

Virgin! I get it! 'Cause I'm pregnant... nice touch!

"...the steward approaches you to ask if there's anything else he can get you. You think for a moment, but you are so content that nothing could really make your day any better. How about some warm chocolate chip cookies? Coming right up!"

This went on and on and I'm pretty close with the details, no kidding. Then I realized that the fucking catheter wasn't even in yet. I mean how many cookies can I possibly eat! Now I'm worried that my bathing suit is getting tighter and tighter and I look fat and I'm going to have to wrap my towel around me in order to get back to my hotel room with my dignity intact.

Thanks a bunch Cliff, now I'm tense again. But, he did give me something to be annoyed at and if anything, that is my happy place.

When we were all done I was given two enormous maxi-pads as a parting gift. Walked back to the car feeling like if I stepped on a crack my uterus may fall out. Made it home and straight into bed. I've been here ever since.

I did bleed a little yesterday, which I knew to expect. Even a little blood freaks me out though. I never even spotted with my first pregnancy and I've been conditioned to think that when blood is present there is a problem. So, I tried to ignore it and chalk it up to normal post CVS activity. It seems to be subsiding today.

I'd say the strangest part of the whole day yesterday was my emotional reaction to seeing the baby. It seemed out of place to me that there was a baby inside me and it wasn't R. I don't know how else to describe it.

With R., we had a Nuchal Translucency before getting an Amnio. At the Nuchal, we got a good hour or more of watching him up on the screen, getting to see him move around and count all his fingers and toes. It was a real bonding experience and I remember feeling for the first time that day that there was a real live baby in there. I mean, earlier ultrasounds were just blobs with little blinking heartbeats, but with the Nuchal there was no mistaking that that was a baby. And from then on, inside of me was his little home.

So, when I saw this new baby in there it felt like a rude house guest who makes himself a little too at home. I felt almost territorial for R. That's his uterus, who the hell let you in? It probably also doesn't help that one too many of my ultrasounds with this pregnancy have been under painful circumstances.

For the most part though, I am really excited about the new addition. When I can get past the hormone induced depression and the times when I'm not confined to my bed for one reason or another, it's been all good.

Finding Rudolf Steiner

2008-03-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

Today's craving and tonight's dinner: hard shell tacos with all the fixings.

I had 4.

I am not ashamed.

And, I plan on having one of the pudding cups that Dave also brought home from the market. Is he an enabler or what?

R. and I started our new session of mommy and me today. We go once a week at a Waldorf school. This is our second session. We started going because apparently it is easier to get into the school of your choice when the time comes, if you were already enrolled in the mommy and me classes.

I'm starting to panic a little about the whole school thing. I live in Los Angeles and among the many heinous things about this town, the competition to get into the "right" school is outrageous and incredibly intimidating. I can't even believe I need to start thinking about schools. And the truth is, I'm kind of late to the game.

I've said it before, I'm not sure I'm sold on the whole Waldorf thing yet. It's all a little too, shall we say, fruity, for my taste. The particular school we go to is pretty hard core. That means we have to sing these creepy little songs that are right out of the Victorian Era. We make little felt bunnies and play with wooden toys and dolls with no faces. Also, the kids aren't supposed to watch any TV or see any movies. A little awkward for me today when R. would respond to any question with a hearty "NEMO!". I do, however like their basic philosophy. As far as their teaching style, we'll see if it's a fit for R., only time will tell.

My biggest concern is, we hadn't really looked into anything or anyplace else. And from what I understand, most of the "good" schools around here required me to have had him enrolled before my 6 month of pregnancy. It's crazy.

So, we might get stuck with a son who walks around the house singing about Typhoid Mary. I could really use that pudding.

Helter Skelter

2008-03-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

I had to blog if only to save my ears from the massacre that is playing out on my TV right now. The unthinkable has happened... somehow, American Idol got their grubby little hands on selections from the Lennon/McCartney songbook. Many of your favorite Beatles songs are currently being mercilessly butchered on prime time television. How could they. Is nothing sacred?

Tonight we told the last of the grand parents. It still feels really weird to me to be openly discussing this pregnancy so early. I'm so used to keeping the big secret until that magic 13 week marker.

Today was a good day. Didn't feel too sick. Was able to eat, or not eat, without feeling nauseous. Also wasn't begging for a nap more than the baby. R. was such a good boy all day. We even got to go visit with a friend of mine who I haven't seen in a long time. He quietly played on her office floor while we chatted and caught up. Dave had an important meeting today and it went really well. Then the in-laws came by for dinner. A pretty good day.

Yet another blood test today to check my hormone levels. No more need for Estrogen but I still have to take the Endometrin, at least until my next doc appointment on Monday.

Tomorrow we have an appointment for genetic counseling. I'm not exactly sure what that means. I mean, I know it's because I'm old, ok, I get that. But, there's nothing particularly alarming in either of our family histories. Well... there's my mom... and the way she just... is. And ok, my brothers- they would require me to start an entirely other blog to tell that story. We already have a CVS scheduled for two weeks from now (again, I'm old). So, if anything I'll have a good two weeks to worry about whatever is uncovered tomorrow and whatever will be confirmed with a CVS. At least I'll have something to do.

Today's Jumble

2008-03-09T22:27:00.000-07:00

Broke out my pregnancy pillow this weekend. I can't believe it's already that time. I know it's definitely early to need a body pillow but, since the surgery it's been really hard to get comfortable at night. My pillow has a name, it's called a Comfort-U. I think the U stands for Uterus because that's pretty much what it is. It's an enormous fluffy U shaped pillow that takes up most of the bed. I am literally surrounded by it, like my own personal Uterus. It really is very comfortable, however, for some reason the manufacturers stuffed it with some god awful material that retains and possibly conducts heat. So, I usually wake up throughout the night sweating my ass off. Kinda detracts from the whole comforting aspect.

Had blood drawn... again, to test my estrogen and progesterone levels last week. Once again my doc changed my hormone supplements for the week. Yesterday, was hopefully my last Endometrin suppository. Having blood taken again tomorrow to confirm my levels are good on their own.

I had so many other things to blog about from this week but it's been so hard to retain anything lately. I guess I should have been writing it down. Oh well, maybe it will come back to me. But, I doubt it.

One thing I remember, but only because it's on my calendar, I signed up for a sewing class. I'm pretty excited. It's really just a refresher. I thought it would help get me more motivated to finish (or start) some of the many projects I have lined up in my head. Ok, not in my head, on post-its on my desktop. Better than in my head.

Ok, so this is a very boring post. I felt obligated to write something since it's been a week. But, as shitty as this is, it still took everything in me to get it done. The hormones are taking their toll this week. I've been feeling- list every possible range of emotions here- all week.

Pregnancy hormones are hard to get a handle on. And for me, it's not just happy or sad, irritable or tired. It's also soul searching and deeply depressing. Doubting every decision that lead me to this point and isolating. Writers-blocking and everything else-blocking. Not sure what to do with myself and just generally feeling stuck-ness.

So, I guess that's really what I should be blogging about. Because, that is after all the reality of this whole pregnancy thing. For me, at least. But, I don't want to fall into the trap of using my writing to express only the negative in my life or in my head. That can easily happen since there is a lot there at times that would fall into that category.

Maybe like publicity, good or bad, it's still publicity. Writing, good or bad, funny or depressing, is still writing.

8 wks 3 days

2008-03-03T14:42:00.000-08:00

Had another ultrasound today. The baby is now 8 weeks and 3 days gestation. Today was the first time it all seemed real. Like maybe this one will last. It actually looked like something more than a blob. We could even see it's little arm and leg buds moving around. I finally had that moment of happiness that I remembered having when we first saw R.'s heartbeat blinking away. In fact, during my whole pregnancy with him we referred to him as blinky. Now we have blinky-2, electric boogaloo. (sorry about that, I am ashamed at my hackiness)

Our happy-cry time was of course short lived as we started to have the talk of the inevitable pre-natal screenings. With R. we had a Nuchal Translucency that showed some questionable stuff. We then had an Amnio which came back normal. I was 36 then. I'll be 39 when blinky-2 is born. Things can get a little dicier. So, we had the sit down with our doc about all the lovely tests I now will have to endure, what will likely happen if said tests come back unfavorable and what will occur if we have to make a "decision". Way to knock me back down, doc! I know I can always count on you for that.

So, b-2 you have a breather for the next few weeks than it's back to the stirrups for me for your first big test in life. Hope you pass!

A Square Meal

2008-03-01T18:02:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday and I successfully made it out of the house for at least most of it. Still feeling the aftermath of the surgery. Combine that with the morning sickness and life just sucks for me right now. The nausea is definitely worse than last time. Which I've heard is typical. It hasn't helped things much that this week my doc doubled my hormone intake. Hopefully I won't have to take them much longer. We have yet another ultrasound on Monday. I should be glad to be getting so much prenatal attention but, it gets a little old having a probe shoved into you on a weekly basis. There's a bad joke in there but, I am too tired to muster it.

On the menu tonight... Steak-Um sandwiches and top ramen. That's the craving of the moment. I will be regretting it shortly thereafter.

Who's the baby around here, anyway

2008-02-29T10:27:00.000-08:00

This may sound ridiculous and, to me, it does, but, I swear that baby knows there's another one on the way. It seems impossible since half the time even I forget there's one in there. He is definitely acting like he's mad at me or something. At first I thought it had to do with not seeing me much this week. Part of it in the hospital, the other part locked away behind the bedroom door that he would occasionally pound on screaming "MAMA MAMA!" until Dave dragged him away. That's enough to get any kid, let's say, slightly frustrated.

When Elena picked him up today she confirmed that yes, he does seem to have a bit of a thing towards me this week. She thinks he knows about the pregnancy. Apparently babies are much more intuitive about these things. Elena said "well, you two are so close, so he knows." Thanks for the encouragement. Little does she know that the mere mention of "Nena", as he calls her, sends him into a fit of joy. I can only hope the same happens when someone mentions "Mama" in my absence.

Lately I've been a little sensitive to the idea that maybe that's not the case. Of course, Dave thinks I'm being, oh, how does he put it... oh yeah- stupid.

(I know, eloquent, he is after all, a writer).

And I know I am. it does sound quite immature of me to whine about my own baby "not liking me". I am definitely falling into that old trap of being jealous of the nanny. Oh god-do I have to call her the nanny? I just hate how that sounds. It makes me sound like I'm off getting pedicures and sipping mimosas every day while someone else takes care of my son. Ya know, it's not like I have a job or anything. (Kick self today for questionable past decision-check.)

There will be (fingers crossed) 7 or so more months of this. I guess what I'm saying is, nut up kid. This is your life now-learn to share.

Ahhh, my motherly nurturing astounds me sometimes.

And they told two friends, and they told two friends...

2008-02-28T20:21:00.000-08:00

I am now home and actually showered today. Yesterday I had to once again hobble out to the car and make our way up to the doctors office for a follow up visit. Got to see the baby again, this time under much calmer circumstances. Also, got to see pictures taken during the surgery. The thought of them still makes me sick to my stomach, or is that the morning sickness? Let me just say, all descriptions were confirmed. Tomato sized-yes, black and blue-uh huh, twisted-yup. There's even a picture of the aspirator doing it's job.

Through all of the events of the last few days, we didn't call anybody to tell them what was happening. Only R.'s sitter who, luckily was able to rush to the hospital and take him while I was busy clearing out the ER of patients thinking maybe they didn't need that finger reattached after all.

Honestly, it all happened so fast, passing it on was the last thing on my mind. And then when I was laid up in my hospital bed, I just didn't feel like recapping the adventure over and over again to numerous family members over the phone. I usually leave that shit to Dave. Why would this be any different.

The whole shebang occurred on Monday. It was now Tuesday night and I was comfortably propped up by my own pillows in my own bed. Still, the urge to purge was just not in me. But, I knew I had to bite the bullet and call... duh duh duh dunnnn... my mom.

I've come to realize that my mom actually thrives on bad news and nothings more juicy than a good emergency surgery story that she can then get on the horn and re-tell as if it was happening to her. I'll never forget how, in spinning the yarn that was the birth of my son, she managed to make it about how "exhausted" she was after I went through a 24 hour labor. One in which everything that could go wrong did.

So, here we go. One ringy dingy...

Her reaction was predictable as ever. The gasping at the details, the controlled sobbing, the making it about her and of course the inevitable question "can I tell people?". Sure, mom, of course you can. My gift to you.

Ovary Schmovary

2008-02-28T19:24:00.000-08:00

In other news... I am pregnant again. (another legitimate reason for turning down the job... (excuse me while I continue to try and justify it to myself) I say again not only because we have a 16 month old, he himself was an "again" at the time (back story to come) But, because I was pregnant a couple of months ago. Not to be, however. With no heartbeat at 8 weeks it was time to schedule the D&C and hope for better luck next time.

Currently we are coming up on our 8 week mark, heart beating strong this time. But... and there is always a big but, Simone... At the moment I am lounging around the house recovering from emergency surgery that almost took one of my ovaries. Weeee!!!

Sit back and enjoy...

Monday morning I started to feel cramps. I had a feeling something wasn't right so I called my doc. We were scheduled to see her later in the day for an ultrasound but, I thought maybe we should move it up to see what was going on in there.

She is my fertility doc, for this pregnancy we had a little help from her in the form of Follistim, which is a shot in belly once a day to promote egg development and ovulation.

Anywoo, the cramps weren't terrible but, odd none the less. By the time we got in the car I was in excruciating pain. R. was screaming at me from his car seat and Dave was speeding up the 101 towards the doc's office which is conveniently located on Hospital grounds. I was sure it was a second, ectopic pregnancy that they didn't catch at my last ultrasound and was now about to burst.

We make it up to her office and they get me on the table, ultrasound probe inserted at lightening speed. There, taking up most of the screen, is my ginormous tomato sized ovary full of about 6 huge cysts. Oh, there's also still a baby, so, ya know... yay!

I was now wailing in pain. The doc thought my ovary might also be twisted so, she manually tried to turn it... um... ouch. At one point she had me on my hands and knees, ass in the air, as she came at me again with the ultrasound probe, (R. was getting a great lesson in anatomy by the way) she said sometimes that was a better angle to get the ovary to turn or go back into place. It wasn't working. I was now throwing up from the pain.

It was a group effort to get me back into my clothes and into a wheelchair. I was then whisked across the parking lot to the hospital. Feeling every pebble and crack in the pavement like knives into my side. Here, I had to endure yet another ultrasound with a better machine so they could confirm if it was in fact twisted. If it wasn't, my doc could aspirate the ovarian cysts without having to operate, but if it was, I would have to have laparoscopic surgery which, of course you would want to avoid if you're pregnant just like sushi or let's say a punch to the gut. Well, the pain was just getting worse as everyone was deciding what to do with me.

Finally the nurse who was doing the ultrasound had the gumption to suggest I needed to go to the ER immediately. Hmmm... ya think? Clothes back on, back in wheelchair, screaming down hallways, into the ER which I think I quickly cleared out with my presence. There is so much ridiculous red tape at hospitals, it's amazing people don't die just waiting to fill out the paperwork, actually, I'm sure they probably do. I mean, come on, are they really worried that I'm going to hop up out of my bed, post op, rip out my IV and catheter and race out pig and peel like?

Apparently, they had no beds in the ER. Now, both Dave and my doc's nurse, who was with us the whole time, were yelling at them to get me in for pain meds asap. Well, thanks, it had only now been 4 hours of gut wrenching, vomit inducing, dare I point out, possibly uterus voiding pain.

Finally the doors flew open and I was helped onto a gurney. IV's were put in as Dave was verbally consenting to whatever they asked. And, finally, finally some meds were pumped into me. They had to give me about 4 doses one after the other as it kept wearing off almost as soon as it went into my IV.

Before I knew it, my doc was at my bedside telling us the possible complications of the surgery she was about to perform. Also, to let me know that she was going to have to keep me awake until the last minute to minimize the time under anesthesia because of the pregnancy. So, I had to lay there while they prepped me, catheterised me etc. I guess piling it on at this point was fine. Finally, they put me out. I woke up about an hour later in my hospital room without that horrible pain, but with a few more holes in stomach than I went in with

We were later told that my ovary was twisted around three times and had slipped under my uterus and was stuck there. That it was black and blue and if we hadn't done the surgery when we did, I would have lost it. After undoing the damage, she said it turned back to a healthy pink. She then aspirated the cysts and took a turn at my left ovary with the aspirator while she was in there. Yea! A two-fer!

The conclusion was that the cysts were so big that the weight of them pulled my ovary down from it's usual floaty resting position and as I, in my normal activities, got up, sat down, rolled over in my sleep. Pretty much the most I have exerted myself through the sick and tire of my first trimester. The ovary kept getting turned and twisted. Which has now made me afraid to move, pretty much for fear that it will happen again.

And, miraculously, the good news, the baby seems fine.

I spent the next day and a half in the hospital which seemed more like a M.A.S.H unit or 1800's TB ward, as there was screaming and moaning coming from various parts of my floor all night. It was quite spooky to say the least. I barely slept and kept my finger on my nurses call button under the covers all night. It didn't help that I was woken each time I did manage to doze off by a blood pressure cuff squeezing my arm and a thermometer being shoved in my mouth. After which, it never failed, the nurse would forget to close my door on the way out. I was still catheterized so couldn't get out of bed myself and felt it too petty a reason to call a nurse when clearly they had so much more to deal with.

I guess I could wait it out, I was now quite good at it.

Doomed to be a SAHM

2008-02-26T18:33:00.001-08:00

My husband is a writer. He has a writing partner named Brett. Together they have been successfully and continuously employed as such for more than 10 years. They have worked their way up and through this business from children's animation to prime-time and this year...
...Emmy winners for best comedy. He's up there somewhere, trust me.

But, along with that comes the perks of, unpaid hiatuses every year, working most nights until as unholy an hour as 4am, with a pregnant wife and/or newborn baby at home, I might add. And there's also the occasional strike. The latter, we just came out of, but not unscathed. Towards what was looking like to everyone to be the end days of the strike, many many people we know who were in a multi-year deal with one network or another got their asses handed to them while the "producers" as they are now commonly known, still could. Dave and Brett's deal was one of the those many. So now, as a lot of our friends are going back to work and their paychecks are starting to come in again after many months of nothing, Dave and Brett are once again taking meetings and hoping to get staffed on a show. And, we still have no money coming in.

Why then, you might ask, would I have the balls to turn down the chance at a full time job?

Well, it played out like this...

Out of the blue, I had an opportunity come up to interview for a "mom" oriented website. Sort of came out of nowhere and at the time I took the interview, I was really into the idea of getting back into a full time job. That didn't last, however. Almost before I got back into my car, I felt a sudden panic at the thought of leaving R. with someone else for the majority of his awake hours. I had the weekend to get back to them with three pitches for the site. I fully intended to put something down on paper, or in email, as it were.

As I sat there Sunday night staring at a blank page while my son played on the floor in front of me, it just didn't seem worth it. The hours would only allow me to see him for about an hour before he went to sleep at night. Being the late sleeper that he is (just like his mama) I would be gone in the morning before he even woke. It all sounded too depressing. So, I turned it down before it was even officially offered to me. And believe me, I've been kicking myself ever since, which I tend to do anyway, regardless of the decision.

I am consoled only by the fact that we are financially OK for now, thankfully, as we were really frugal while the strike was going on. No unnecessary trips to Urban Outfitters for me! Well, maybe there were, but nothing fit me so no harm done.

thank god it's...

2008-02-22T10:32:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh... Fridays. Love that baby, but TGIF DAMMIT! It's the one day a week that we splurged on a nanny, Elena. It feels so decadent to even say we have one in our employ. He loves her and I get the day to myself. Not that I actually use it for anything productive, but-it's my day!!! I do have an ongoing wishlist of Friday activites, most of which never get accomplished. Let's see: finish making the curtains for our kitchen that I started in November, get a pedicure, unpack some boxes, make a fancy storage bin for my fabric, shower, organize toys...

-----------------------

Ok, it's now Saturday. I showered. I feel good about that. But, that's about it. As usual, the baby has a fever. As much as we love Elena, it does seem that within 24 hours of being in her care, the baby gets sick. More often than not. I attribute this to just being out there among other snotty, drooly kids like himself. But, I think Dave thinks there's something more sinister going on.

that's how strong my love is

2008-02-20T09:37:00.001-08:00

I wouldn't consider myself a parent who "schedules" their kid. We have about three classes/activities a week that we attend.

Monday: mommy&me at a Waldorf school that I'm not sure I'm sold on yet
Tuesday: Music Together
Wednesday: free
Thursday: My Gym
Friday: he goes with a nanny.

Not too much, right? Each activity is only about an hour or more. It's mostly to get him (and me) out of the house and around other kids and moms. Today is Wednesday, which meant I woke up with that feeling of dread that I have almost every Wednesday. " What are going to do today? Shit. I don't know where to take him, what should we do? what about his nap? should we go out before or after? then what do we do? what if he falls asleep in the car? should I bring a book just in case or try to do the car-crib transfer?" (which almost never works) Which leads to the realization that these things are only going to get harder. I can already see him getting bored when we are in the house for most of the day. He's kinda sick of his toys and although his current obsession with watching Shrek and Finding Nemo on a loop is actually helpful and a great time killer, probably not the most responsible parenting on my part to condone it. It's just that, right now I am in the throws of the first trimester and all that comes with it. I just don't have the energy sometimes to get off the couch and entertain. It gets me down. I tell myself that once that second trimester hits I'll get that surge of energy back. I'll get my strength again.

for a minute there, I lost myself

2008-02-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

This being pregnant thing is no joke. It always seems like such a good idea in theory, then those first few weeks of sickness and sadness, tiredness and anxiousness are enough to make you wonder how any of us have siblings. And, for me, I get that extra shot of hormones courtesy of my fertility doctor. It really makes it all so much more enjoyable. But, I look at my 15 month old son and remember why we're doing this again. Ok, so I guess that's how we all have siblings. It also may be why a lot of siblings are about 2 years apart. They are so much fun and so heartbreakingly adorable for those first couple of years that most of us fall in love with the idea of having a houseful of babies. Then you get knocked up again and just when it's too late to change your mind, they turn. They become a little more demanding, a little harder to please. They become, well, people. How dare they.