blogging under the hormonal influence

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Today's Jumble

Broke out my pregnancy pillow this weekend.  I can't believe it's already that time.  I know it's definitely early to need a body pillow but, since the surgery it's been really hard to get comfortable at night.  My pillow has a name, it's called a Comfort-U.  I think the U stands for Uterus because that's pretty much what it is.  It's an enormous fluffy U shaped pillow that takes up most of the bed.  I am literally surrounded by it, like my own personal Uterus.  It really is very comfortable, however, for some reason the manufacturers stuffed it with some god awful material that retains and possibly conducts heat.  So, I usually wake up throughout the night sweating my ass off.  Kinda detracts from the whole comforting aspect.

Had blood drawn... again, to test my estrogen and progesterone levels last week.  Once again my doc changed my hormone supplements for the week.  Yesterday, was hopefully my last Endometrin suppository.  Having blood taken again tomorrow to confirm my levels are good on their own.

I had so many other things to blog about from this week but it's been so hard to retain anything lately. I guess I should have been writing it down. Oh well, maybe it will come back to me. But, I doubt it.

One thing I remember, but only because it's on my calendar, I signed up for a sewing class. I'm pretty excited. It's really just a refresher. I thought it would help get me more motivated to finish (or start) some of the many projects I have lined up in my head. Ok, not in my head, on post-its on my desktop. Better than in my head.

Ok, so this is a very boring post. I felt obligated to write something since it's been a week. But, as shitty as this is, it still took everything in me to get it done. The hormones are taking their toll this week. I've been feeling- list every possible range of emotions here- all week.

Pregnancy hormones are hard to get a handle on. And for me, it's not just happy or sad, irritable or tired. It's also soul searching and deeply depressing. Doubting every decision that lead me to this point and isolating. Writers-blocking and everything else-blocking. Not sure what to do with myself and just generally feeling stuck-ness.

So, I guess that's really what I should be blogging about. Because, that is after all the reality of this whole pregnancy thing. For me, at least. But, I don't want to fall into the trap of using my writing to express only the negative in my life or in my head. That can easily happen since there is a lot there at times that would fall into that category. 

Maybe like publicity, good or bad, it's still publicity. Writing, good or bad, funny or depressing, is still writing.

1 comment:

Fertilized said...

Good luck with all of your blood draws and sleeping. This my first pregnancy and I am finding out that hormones are dangerous and make me crazy.